Are You Just Trying To Piss Me Off

I've never considered myself a conspiracy theorist, but it seems like damn near everyone on the planet is intentionally trying to annoy me. For a about a week, the local news media has been demanding that I stay home to avoid the blizzard...I live in Houston, TX, not Chicago. The latest trend of the national media is to tell me how much better the rest of the world, particularly China, is than America. They're smarter, better parents, harder workers, more compassionate...Really? I hear we should make our schools more like China's. Aren't there about 700 billion people in China? If they're so damn smart; why do they let a government of a few hundred tell them how many kids they can have? But they're taking our jobs, they must be smart. Yeah that's it, plus prevailing wage over there is about fifty cents an hour. What about Europe? Consider this visual; sixty year old men in Speedos. We might be the fattest country in the world, but at least we've got the good sense not to go butt naked at the beach. And by the way Europe, there's a new American model of technology you might want to try, it's called the shower, and why does your beer look and taste like motor oil? I hear the world is tired of America, they might stop selling us oil, cut off our credit, or stop taking our money. That's a brilliant strategy, then they can all join together and build one big ass bridge to live under. Come to think of it, wasn't living under a bridge invented by the American homeless. We're not perfect though, we've created one hell of a mess and we certainly have our share of idiots. The fact that so many people believe all that crap I just mentioned is evidence of that. Tell you what though, I just got a new iphone this week and that thing is a greater technological marvel than the space shuttle. And, as far as I know, Steve Jobs isn't Chinese. We've got some problems to fix, but I think we're better off fixing them ourselves. Especially since the rest of the world is crossing oceans in inner tubes and tunneling under rivers to get here. We must be doing something right. Gotta go now, I'm going jogging in the blizzard...in a Speedo.